Out Of Place

I haven't written lately because I have been trying to figure out why I have been so sad and so down on myself.  I don't want to continue to write negative posts!  I want to be happy :)  As I searched my brain on what could be wrong I think I have nailed it down.  Those of you who know me well, know that I have always felt a little out of place in Utah.  Sometimes I feel like its not my home anymore.  I heard a quote last week and it is exactly how I am feeling at the moment.  It goes like this... 

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the home you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? And all of a sudden the idea of 'home' is gone and you feel like you can never get it back. It's like you're homesick for a place that doesn't even exist." -Large


This is EXACTLY how I feel.  To a T.  I feel so out of place here.  And trying to cope with a loss while living somewhere you don't want to be does not make it any better.  At this point, the only reason why I stay is because of my patients.  I love them so much!  I do love my job, but I have found that I need to do what will make me happy.....and in Dr. Phils words.....this just isn't working for me.  I am going to Billings on May 8th for an entire week.  I have decided that I will see how I feel when I get there.  I am going to say lots of prayers.  If I feel when I get there that I need to move back, then I will.  I will pack my stuff and be there by mid-June.  If I don't, then I am most likely going to move to Seattle and look into nursing schools out there.  I have always wanted to live there since I visited in 2010.  It is so beautiful, I love the diversity of people, and absolutely love the location.  I have always told myself that when I become an RN I will move there.....but lately I have been thinking....why not now?  What do I have to lose?  Right now is when I should be doing everything I want and being selfish.  Climb mountains, run marathons, move where I want, etc etc.  I am single with no kids and I am 27 years old.  I have nothing to lose!  All I know is I need to do something because this is not working for me in Utah.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends more than words can express.  Melissa and Seth, Melissa Cooper....I love you both so much and you guys have helped get me thru the toughest time ever out here.  I will miss you forever!!!  But, I need to do what is right for me.  And this isn't.  So, there are some thoughts for the day.  Love you all, thanks for reading....