Hey all,
Just a warning...this is kind of a depressing post. I don't know what happened today, but it all hit me. I don't know if its because I started packing my things...or what, but I have been in tears all day. Last year at this time, Jason and I were moving into our new apartment, and now I am moving out all by myself. It is so crazy to me, and something that I am having hard time comprehending, that I may never see Jason's face again. It is so weird, and something I hate even thinking about. This will be my first holidays in 5 years without him.....and I am not gonna lie, this is not easy. Some days I feel on top of the world, and others I cry my eyes out and don't know if I am going to make it. I miss him. There, I said it. I miss him. I have been trying to be so strong and not "feel" a lot of things, but in the back of my mind I feel like I still hurt so much. Only sometimes do I let myself feel what I need to though. Gotta stay strong...
Anyway, so the last week has been great. I only have a week left with my hospice patients and it makes me so sad. I am just so sad to leave everyone here. This is definitely going to be a hard move. Last week I went and saw one of my favorite nurses Barb. She lives in Laurel right where my last patient lives, so I stopped by afterwards. She and I had a blast! We sat and chatted for a couple hours. What a special woman, I am going to miss her. Later that day the Licensed Massage Therapist that works at Rocky Mountain came up to me and gave me her information for a reference. She told me that a wonderful CNA I am and that she is honored to give me her reference. WOW!!! It brought me to tears. So many people are reaching out to me and I feel like one lucky girl.....Annie and I both :)
Love,
Amelia
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
2 Weeks Notice
So, today I put in my 2 weeks notice at both my jobs. It was terrible. I said goodbye to some of the best patients a CNA could ask for. Although I will be working for a couple more weeks, it is now real to me that I am leaving. Ugh. Sometimes when I see my friends and talk to people I want to stay in Billings.....but then I know it is the right thing to come home. This is not going to be an easy move. One of my patients tonight took my hand and said a prayer with me. I told him I was moving back to Salt Lake and about what was going on and he took my hand and prayed for me outloud. It was so nice, it brought a tear to my eye. It was one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard. It's the little things that count.
I was gone from Annie for a while today, so I hired a babysitter to come sit with her. I know, I am sure some of you are thinking "why the hell would you hire a babysitter for a dog?".....but Annie is worth it to me. She is my girl. Plus, she is in heat and not feeling too well, and I couldn't leave her alone thru work. So yeah, today I made a big step by saying goodbye to some people and putting my 2 weeks in. Its makes it harder if you love your job and you don't want to leave! Love you all, thanks for listening.
Love,
Mills and Annie
I was gone from Annie for a while today, so I hired a babysitter to come sit with her. I know, I am sure some of you are thinking "why the hell would you hire a babysitter for a dog?".....but Annie is worth it to me. She is my girl. Plus, she is in heat and not feeling too well, and I couldn't leave her alone thru work. So yeah, today I made a big step by saying goodbye to some people and putting my 2 weeks in. Its makes it harder if you love your job and you don't want to leave! Love you all, thanks for listening.
Love,
Mills and Annie
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
This Little Thing Called Life
I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving 2011. If anyone of you would have told me last Thanksgiving that the events that have taken place in my life the last few months were going to happen, I would have laughed and said "yeah, right.". But they have, and life does that to you. There never is any guarantees.
Now, I promise to not make this the "sad depressing break-up blog entry", because today I am grateful, and I think I will write about it today.
I moved to Billings, MT 1 year ago with my boyfriend Jason. This state is absolutely beautiful. I have loved every second I have spent here, and have met some irreplaceable friends. I got a job as a CNA 4 days after I moved here, and have fallen in love with all my patients! As a CNA at Billings Health and Rehab., I also met some of the most amazing nurses I have ever known. I want to be just like them when I become a nurse one day. Although Barb and Aurora are not reading this, I want you to know how much I have learned from you and how much I love you. I hope to be a nurse just like you one day, and I will never forget you.
Jason and I decided to split in July, and although it was on and off for the last few months, he came and got his stuff last Sunday. I can honestly say that this has been the most trying time in my life, and I have learned more about myself in the last 3 months than I thought I ever would. Jason and I were together for 4 1/2 years, and from those years together I now know that love exists, and am excited for the future. He will always be a huge part of my life, and will hold a space in my heart that no one can ever take away. He is also one of the best people I know. I have realized that when a break-up occurs, so many emotions go thru your body. You go thru times where you are mad, in denial, sad, and then I think you get to the point where you accept it, and all of the things you fought about or were angry about before, don't matter anymore. You don't think about how they snored, or how they didn't put the dishes in the dishwasher, or how they were a bad driver. You think about all the reasons why you spent time with that person and all the reasons why you love them. In my case, I am grateful. I feel so grateful to have met such an amazing man who I got to call my other half for the last near 5 years. I have learned more from him than I think any human being in my life. I am a better person because of this relationship, and I can't wait for the future. I am not gonna say that there weren't days that I cried so bad that I threw up, or that I wasn't angry, because I was. But now, I can look back and smile because I know that Jason and I spent the last 5 years growing in love and in our own loves that is all I need.
I decided in July, right before Jason and I split, that I wanted to work for hospice. I absolutely love the health care field, and I thought that hospice would be a great direction for me and a way for me to learn so much. Let me tell ya, it has been the best experience of my life. I am not a religious person by any means, but I do believe in God, and I believe that he puts people in your life at the times you need them most, because he knows the gifts they have and how they can help you. Every single one of my patients that I have taken care of have made the phrase "someone always has it worse", actually be shown to me. To Jim and Darcy, I love you guys!!! Although your life is ending, you will forever be in my heart and I love you guys so much. You got me thru one of the toughest times in my life and always made me feel special everytime I was around, even when you were in so much pain. Even when you didn't know it, you were being an example to me. I will always love my friends at Rocky Mountain Hospice and Billings Health and Rehab.
To my friends in Utah, I am coming back. After a few months of trying to decide where my life is going, I have decided to move home. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I have struggled with money and need to save money and be around family and friends thru this hard time in my life. I have not had a hug from my dad in almost a year. I haven't seen my nieces and nephews and I am sure they have all grown so much!!! I can't wait to see my friends and family, and to finish nursing in Utah. It is going to be great. I will be home a few days after Thanksgiving. I love you all and can't wait to see you!!
So that is my life as of today. I have so much to be grateful for. I have been with the most amazing man in the world for that last 5 years, I have such a wonderful family in Utah, but I also have an amazing family in Billings. One person I have not mentioned in this blog is my Annie girl. I always heard that animals were the best therapy, but it wasn't until now that I believe it. Annie has been there for me thru the most difficult times of my life. I love her more than anything. She has licked so many tears off my face, and comforted me when I was not ok. She will always be my baby girl. I can't wait for life ahead. I love you all...
Love,
Mills
Now, I promise to not make this the "sad depressing break-up blog entry", because today I am grateful, and I think I will write about it today.
I moved to Billings, MT 1 year ago with my boyfriend Jason. This state is absolutely beautiful. I have loved every second I have spent here, and have met some irreplaceable friends. I got a job as a CNA 4 days after I moved here, and have fallen in love with all my patients! As a CNA at Billings Health and Rehab., I also met some of the most amazing nurses I have ever known. I want to be just like them when I become a nurse one day. Although Barb and Aurora are not reading this, I want you to know how much I have learned from you and how much I love you. I hope to be a nurse just like you one day, and I will never forget you.
Jason and I decided to split in July, and although it was on and off for the last few months, he came and got his stuff last Sunday. I can honestly say that this has been the most trying time in my life, and I have learned more about myself in the last 3 months than I thought I ever would. Jason and I were together for 4 1/2 years, and from those years together I now know that love exists, and am excited for the future. He will always be a huge part of my life, and will hold a space in my heart that no one can ever take away. He is also one of the best people I know. I have realized that when a break-up occurs, so many emotions go thru your body. You go thru times where you are mad, in denial, sad, and then I think you get to the point where you accept it, and all of the things you fought about or were angry about before, don't matter anymore. You don't think about how they snored, or how they didn't put the dishes in the dishwasher, or how they were a bad driver. You think about all the reasons why you spent time with that person and all the reasons why you love them. In my case, I am grateful. I feel so grateful to have met such an amazing man who I got to call my other half for the last near 5 years. I have learned more from him than I think any human being in my life. I am a better person because of this relationship, and I can't wait for the future. I am not gonna say that there weren't days that I cried so bad that I threw up, or that I wasn't angry, because I was. But now, I can look back and smile because I know that Jason and I spent the last 5 years growing in love and in our own loves that is all I need.
I decided in July, right before Jason and I split, that I wanted to work for hospice. I absolutely love the health care field, and I thought that hospice would be a great direction for me and a way for me to learn so much. Let me tell ya, it has been the best experience of my life. I am not a religious person by any means, but I do believe in God, and I believe that he puts people in your life at the times you need them most, because he knows the gifts they have and how they can help you. Every single one of my patients that I have taken care of have made the phrase "someone always has it worse", actually be shown to me. To Jim and Darcy, I love you guys!!! Although your life is ending, you will forever be in my heart and I love you guys so much. You got me thru one of the toughest times in my life and always made me feel special everytime I was around, even when you were in so much pain. Even when you didn't know it, you were being an example to me. I will always love my friends at Rocky Mountain Hospice and Billings Health and Rehab.
To my friends in Utah, I am coming back. After a few months of trying to decide where my life is going, I have decided to move home. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I have struggled with money and need to save money and be around family and friends thru this hard time in my life. I have not had a hug from my dad in almost a year. I haven't seen my nieces and nephews and I am sure they have all grown so much!!! I can't wait to see my friends and family, and to finish nursing in Utah. It is going to be great. I will be home a few days after Thanksgiving. I love you all and can't wait to see you!!
So that is my life as of today. I have so much to be grateful for. I have been with the most amazing man in the world for that last 5 years, I have such a wonderful family in Utah, but I also have an amazing family in Billings. One person I have not mentioned in this blog is my Annie girl. I always heard that animals were the best therapy, but it wasn't until now that I believe it. Annie has been there for me thru the most difficult times of my life. I love her more than anything. She has licked so many tears off my face, and comforted me when I was not ok. She will always be my baby girl. I can't wait for life ahead. I love you all...
Love,
Mills
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