I'm Gonna Be OK...

It still happens.  I wake up in the morning, and immediately remember that I am home and that I am not with Jason anymore.  Is this normal?  3 months later and I still do this.  Its like I have to remind myself of the present every day.  I have realized this week how much damage has been done to me.  I go thru days, even weeks where I don't cry and I feel great....then I have a day like I did on Saturday and I cry all day long, and I don't know how I am ever going to make it thru.  I don't know how long it takes to get over a 5 year relationship, but I am willing to go thru the pain to make myself a better person.  Every day I tell myself that when someone asks me "How are you?" I am going to say "Great!", even if I have to fake it.  No one really cares anyway when they ask you.  If I were really to give a straight answer, I am sure I would take up their entire afternoon.  I was feeling a lump in my throat all day Saturday.  I knew that if someone looked at me wrong I would burst into tears.  We went to dinner for my dads birthday, and my sister looked at me and asked me the wrong question at the wrong moment.  I started crying so hard at the table I was uncontrollable.  I left the table and went to the bathroom and stood in the stall and just cried.  When is this going to go away?  When I got back to the table, my brother put his arm around me and gave me a $15 Starbucks gift card and told me to enjoy it.  Just what I needed at that moment.  It was perfect, and I was reminded of why I came home.  Moments like these.  As we were leaving my 14 year old niece came up to me and said "You need a hug!" and squoze me.  I love these moments, and they are what get me thru the day.  I love my mom and dad.  They are so good to Annie and I, and even thru my ups and downs they understand and don't push me.  So, in the words of Avril Lavigne "I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, I don't know what to say, tomorrow, tomorrow Is a different day."
Love,
Amelia

PS....this little bugger helps get me thru....